Monday, October 8, 2012

"He shot me down"

Bang bang

This blog has been a part of a personal manifesto to be more truthful about ourselves. To express who we are, and where we have come from. On my part, this is a process of parsing things out in order to look at them analytically: "Ah, I see how this works."

Intrinsic to this manifesto is the breaking down of walls that held our compartmentalized selves for so long. It's about being vulnerable and saying, "this is who I am and where I have been. Now I can work on proceeding." For me, personally, the entire process in my life is like standing naked and trying to unlearn shame in front of an audience. And if I am going for being completely authentic, there are times where that has really sucked.

I hit the ground.

Reeling from a bit of rejection-by-association, as well as some of the personal blockades I've been met with, I'm wondering a bit about this idea of baggage and how it defines us (or how others choose to define us by it). Frankly, none of us has the tools to deal with this big thing called Life.

Life should be something to look at with wide-eyed wonder; we are children in the Universe. But that can be a bit starry-eyed. After all...there are such things as serial killers and genocide and world war. None of us were given a handbook when we arrived on this little planet (at least I wasn't. Were you????).  For the most part, I think a lot of us are doing the best that we can to Do No Harm.

Yet lately in this search for healing and authenticity, we've both been faced with reactions that boldly ask us "Why are you even dealing with that?" or "How come you are still carrying that around?"

That awful sound.

In a process of healing, that is debilitating. As is rejection based on perceived baggage and its weight.

A gentle reminder: we haven't asked you to carry it.

No one wants to be defined by a disability.  By the same token, no one wants to be defined by the things they are trying to heal from. There is so much more than meets the eye. Who might be pleasantly surprised if you take the time to look.

My baby shot me down.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Jen,

    Thank you for writing your diary blog so sincerely, I have so much sympathy for you...

    Penny (a British mum type person, also going forward )